I have a tank top with the words “Prom Queen” emblazoned across the chest. I’m also the proud owner of a t-shirt that claims I am a trophy wife. If you know anything about me, you know I’m neither. Yet I wear both these tops regularly, hoping that those who take the time to read the words will understand I’m being ironic.

Or maybe I just have a weird sense of humor in which laughing at myself looms large in the list of things I find funny.

It was in that spirit that I once bought my daughter a shirt that said, “If you think I’m a bitch, you should meet my mother.” (I almost got one for myself but was afraid folks would think I was dissing my mom, although when I later told her this, Mom laughed and said she wouldn’t have minded.)

You’rea probably wondering what all this has to do with Christmas.  Well, a few years ago, I noticed a new trend in holiday attire, one that greatly appealed to my sartorial sense of the whimsy.  It was the re-birth of the ugly Christmas sweater.

For those who are unfamiliar with the ugly Christmas sweater fad, it involves wearing the ugliest, most ludicrous, completely over-the-top holiday sweater you can find — usually to an ugly Christmas sweater-themed party.

Sometimes there are even prizes. And when prizes are involved, it’s no holds barred for festive (or should that be festering?) clothing. You’ll see sweaters with pom-poms, sweaters with tinsels, even some that light up!

The movement has become so popular that ugly sweaters are now difficult to find. My daughter and her friend Vincent (an exchange student from Brazil) went to our local Goodwill to buy a couple and paid a shocking $15 each for sweaters that weren’t even that ugly.

Since I recently paid $6 for a wool and cashmere coat (Anne Klein!) at the same store, $15 is truly outrageous.

I told them so.

“But I look so cute in it,” Vince said, and how could I argue?
(For the record, they both looked pretty darned cute.)

I’ve got them beat though. Last I purchased a sweater of astounding ugliness at the Hospice store, a place that hadn’t yet caught on to the idea that they can make more than $5 on some else’s cast-off holiday attire. I think it’s even hand-decorated.

Still, I’ve looked at a few blogs, and it’s clear I’m a neophyte when it comes to Christmas sweaters. For example, how could I compete with this guy?

If you follow the link, you’ll discover the model’s name — and I seriously love this — is Sugatroll, and that his sweaters are for sale on the Etsy site, Cosmic Yard Sale. (http://www.etsy.com/shop/cosmicyardsale).

However, if you’d like the “Tacky Ugly Christmas Sweater with Lights and Fringe Giant Glowing Snowman” pictured below (for a mere $75), you’ll need to visit the My Ugly Christmas Sweater site.

I guess mine was a steal, even if it doesn’t light up!