A Rant/Rave About Writing
I get some of my best ideas at night, probably because the inner censor in my brain shuts down, allowing the wild, creative side free rein. Such inspiration also strikes when I’m driving, and I don’t even want to know what that says about how much — or how little — of my brain I use to control a vehicle weighing thousands of pounds.
On the other hand, I get some of my worst ideas at night — probably the inner censor in my brain shuts down allowing the wild, creative side free rein
But I already said that.
The other night, I got the brilliant idea to send a care package to my darling daughter. She’s away at college and has had a difficult couple of weeks.
Okay, so that idea wasn’t brilliant. It was just being a mom.
To understand the brilliant part, you have to know about the last care package I sent south, filled with random happy-making items including four Malley’s chocolate bars, one for Darling Daughter and one for each of her suite mates.
Nice, eh? I’m just that kind of mom.
The problem was, when the package arrived, it was open and sans chocolate.
Yeah, some low-down, scum-sucking thief stole my daughter’s chocolate!
So, here’s the brilliant bit — or maybe not so brilliant, you decide: In my half-asleep haze, I decided it would be a great idea to again send candy, but to write a curse on the package to deter any would-be chocolate thieves.
I figured if someone steals the chocolate, at least Darling Daughter and roommates can laugh about D.D.’s weird mom.
You probably need a translation as my printing is not the best, so here goes: “To the would-be thief of my daughter’s treats — a curse upon thee and all thy family that thou wilt remain greedy, duplicitous, spotty-nosed toads. O’ horridness personified, Vile seething canker sore on legs, may thou taste only bitterness, the acrid stench of burnt cheese and ash fill your nostrils, the screech of one hundred circling hawks serenade your ears, and may thy remaining three brain cells die a protracted, painful death leaving thee a blathering, incoherent idiot.”
In my defense, I got a Shakespearean Insult Mug for my birthday, which may explain all the “thee”s and “thou”s. And I was still half-asleep when I acted on my (possibly brilliant, possibly insane) idea yesterday.
How about you? What brilliant/insane ideas have you had when half-asleep? Leave a comment and share all.
Oh, and one more plea in my defense, at least I had the sense to not write the curse on the outside mailing envelope — only on the inner one with the chocolate.
Update: Curse proved effective. Package arrived, chocolate intact. Score one for brilliant/insane ideas!
Thank you, Kym, for making my entire day. Hilarious in every way. And not bad Shakespearish language either!
Wow, Miranda, I’m flattered. Thanks for stopping by, and for leaving a comment. Still waiting on confirmation of chocolate’s arrival though.